I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
