can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
