It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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