R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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