I'm eating all of the evidence.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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