lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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