i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
