Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
