Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
