Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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