GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
