my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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