If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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