dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We have started to decorate penises.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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