That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
