Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why do cheetos always look like penises
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
