chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
