Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
