you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
