Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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