My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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