Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I need to wash the frat house off of me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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