I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
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Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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