i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
