Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
