You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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