I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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