**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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