my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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