I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize