So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
