Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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