It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
