i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
