dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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