I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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