The police scanner is talking about you again....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
