I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
