so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
