PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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