Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
