I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
