dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
