maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
