Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
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Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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