i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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