i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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