drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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