I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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