Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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