he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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