Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
