and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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