sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
