it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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