After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
