the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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