just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
