I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
