It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
