I cannot find my penis.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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