i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
