Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
