There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
