fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
