I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
