yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
