According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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