omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
