Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
