I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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