okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
