Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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