Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
thus making me awesome and them whores
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
