Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
